Hi everybody, this is how I finally understood I just had to let go, that I could never be good enough on my own and asked Jesus to live in my heart and for me to belong only to Him.

When I was growing up, my family lived in a large house with my
Italian aunt, uncle and grandfather right there. My grandfather was a beautiful gentle man who domesticated the wild animals, squirrels, raccoons, and was such a loving individual and my beloved aunt taught me the Lord's prayer basically as soon as I could talk and understand and would pray with me every night.
My aunt reminded me of Mother Theresa she was a totally giving loving selfless person and my gentle grandfather reminded my of St. Francis with his gentle ways and love of animals.

My mom turned Methodist when she married my Dad who is English from new England settler stock. Although, my dad has been a commited atheist, retired aerospace engineer and did his geneology and claimed to be descended from Isaac Newton.

When I was about five, I wanted to be a nun, and would think about Jesus as I played in the flowers, buttercups, violets, iris and my favorite memory was the patch of lilly of the valley that lined a stone wall where I would sit having these thoughts.

I always love gentle kindness and would become sad and angry when people would start trouble with others. That seemed so unnecessary to me. I tend to cry when I see others suffer, it bothers me.

As a teenager in the 70's, I was very curious and wandered far from the straight and narrow, truly a wild child for several decades
and then in the 80s I turned Catholic after going on a lot of Catholic Charismatic retreats with a group of girlfriends at work. But, alas, I still was trying to be good enough on my own and not turning it all over to Jesus so He could give me His heart, as my own heart and ways would never cut it, so I became frustrated and backslid and just thought I was not good enough.

When my beloved auntie died at 91, I was just devistated, and she knew she was dying and had days to live, I asked her if it was possible if when she went to heaven if she could let me see some kind of sign - like a smell of roses or something, that it would just help with the separation as I was in such pain.

At her viewing, I was simply so so overwhelmed with sadness, she was the only person who ever had loved me unconditionally and I know I would not have the capacity for deeply loving if it wasn't for my bond with her.

As I sat at the viewing, suddenly I had a vision, of her standing by the casket, only lasted a second but was followed with a vision of a beautiful piazza with all white doves flying out of it. The sky was misty and golden and then all my tears and fears were lifted and I felt such peace. When we were at the cemetary it was a beautiful day and I was smiling, like angels came and lifted my pain away.

After a difficult faith walk, the year that The Passion came out, that Christmas Eve, which also happens to be my birthday, while watching Pope John Paul II Mass, I had an overwhelming deliverance and then when The Passion opened on Ash Wednesday, when I left the theater, I felt like Jesus had whitened my soul. Oh, those cleansening tears.

I have always worked in the medical field, but for 10 of them worked in orthopedics and for spine surgeons in my area. I had a lumbar spinal fusion at 25 and would spend a lot of time loving the patients who were scared and in pain.

I didn't realize how messed up I was as I had neck pain that just crept up on me, but a couple of years ago on Thanksgiving Eve as I had my neck crooked for hours talking to my daughter who lives out of state - it just blew-up and you know when you know there is something really, really wrong with you and feel like it is going to take all the kings men to fix it. - That was me.

I didn't have Health Insurance and now a days, with not much money, that equates to NO healthcare, let alone an expensive surgery. I sufffered to the point where the pain felt like I was being partially beheaded at times being hit in the neck with a hammer other times, but when I finally got an MRI, I had four levels totally degenerative with three levels of central herniations and one was so bad that it was touching the spinal cord centrally and by the time I had my surgery, my balance was affected, I had urinary incontenance and if I scratched my arm, I felt it in my leg.

My wonderful surgeon (I was able to go to the best) because I knew from working in the industry where not to go. Thank you Jesus. The surgery was five hours long, and I have a three level titanium plate - but I feel like a new woman and can do anything I want even hold and carry my 25 lb. grand-daughter.

A week before the surgery, the only time in my life that I had a dream where Jesus came to me, and because of this I thought I was going to die, but I didn't. I dreamt I was shutting a door to an office that I was working in, when a force propelled me not to shut the door and walk back into the room. There were about 20 people in the room who were all looking out a huge window. Outside the window was that same golden sky that silloetted grey mountains, there were also clouds of this color and a beautiful river that sparkeled like diamonds - it was breath takingly beautiful and up above the mountains in the sky, in silloette was Jesus and He was waving to us.

Then I woke up.

I guess I will always be Catholic in my heart, I chose to turn Catholic at 25, but the priest told me at that time that to remarry in the Catholic Church I would have to obtain an annulment of my first marriage, (from 17-21). Because of the circumstances surrounding that marriage, he stated, the priest was a cannon lawyer, that I would have a 90% chance of obtaining it but the cost was prohibitive for me at that time, over $300, and embarrasing as it couldn't be family members and most of my highschool friends by that time were long out of state and difficult to tract down and I just could bring myself to impose on two necessary witnesses who would have to write a long report on my ex-husband and my relationship. In addition, your ex-husband also had to write a long report about your entire relationship. I laughed and told the priest I didn't even have a boyfriend and was thinking more along the lines of joining the convent, but he told me that was very common then the woman comes back all upset because she wants a Catholic wedding.

That is what happened to me and that is why I cannot receive the sacraments in the Catholic Church because I remarried without the annulment.

So, I go to Catholic Mass but don't receive but pray and read my Bible and I really feel Jesus in the beautiful Vilnius image of the Divine Mercy and the Divine Mercy Prayers.

I now choose Assembly of God also as it reminds me of the Catholic Charismatic movement, which I loved so much.

I feel that Jesus has gifted me with a lot of suffering the last few years to offer up as prayer for the world. I believe that the crecendo of all our suffering, tears and prayers He will come for us, as any Good Father would.

I am glad to be here and eager to share with all of you.

In Jesus Christ,

Baa!

In the 1930s, before WWI, St. Faustina, a nun in Poland had a series of personal revelations from Jesus requesting that a painting be commissioned in accordance with her vision. In addition to The Divine Mercy prayers. Jesus stated to spread these to prepare the world for His Second Coming. Also, that a spark that would ignite the whole world would come from Poland, also to prepare for his Second Coming.

http://linux17.domainnameservers.net/~divin6/vilnius_lg.htm

I wanted to share this with all of you, especially for Pentecost Sunday.

In His Love,

Baa!

Baa...Abba...

You have a heart sold out to our Lord. Let his name be praised forever. He knows the hearts of his people. No matter what church or what country or what marriage....His people are everywhere. You will always be in his perfect will concerning your witness when you sell him and him alone. He's a gentle shepherd that leads his little ones into greener and greener pasture. I know he is leading you one step at a time as he does all of us.

Hugs, Miki

Thank-you,
God Bless!

Baa!