MY TESTIMONY - PART TWO.

I drifted from one relationship to another and became embroiled in the hedonistic 'gay' scene and was heavily into soft and hard drugs. I wasn't happy inside at all and was miserable, I kept on using drugs as a means of escape.

In 1988, I nearly died of a drugs overdose whilst I was living in America. It was a miracle I survived,. I had overdosed on valium and was literally kept alive by people banging saucepans and shouting at me over two days to keep me conscious. When I returned to England I walked out on my then 'partner' and moved away from my home town. This was how I kept living my life, moving from one relationship to the next, taking drugs, drinking and then escaping to where I thought no one could find me.

Things came to a head in 1993, I was 28. I was in yet another unstable relationship, very depressed and miserable. I felt empty and desolate inside and just lost the will to function or even live. I decided to move back with my parents -not an easy decision at that age!!.

I began to straighten my life outwardly but I was still searching for something to fill the emptyness I felt inwardly.

I was out shopping when I bumped into a lady from the church that I was saved in, she was telling me of a local church that she was a member of and that I should come. Well I kept bumping into her all that week wherever I went! I was tripping over Christians left, right and centre!

One Sunday I got up, sat on the edge of my bed and made a decision...I was going to church. I got dressed and turned up at the church where my friend was a member of and I gave my heart to Jesus again. I felt complete and whole again. I became an active member of church and got re-baptised in the Holy Spirit and started to make some good Christian friends again. One day I was driving around and saw my ex-partner. I had a Christan tract with me in the car and I stopped and turned around and found her. I walked up to her and handed her the tract, saying "I think you need this". I couldnt walk away and we ended up talking for a long time. I let the Devil back in.

We got back together again but it didnt last very long. I missed the church and it didnt feel right, I left and decided that this was the last time ever. I re-committed and moved in with a christian family.

The sinful habits I had made were hard to break because they were more than just habits, they were a way of life - dating, intimacy, love, the things that straight people take for granted every day. I had to face the pain of my past and reject the lies I had believed about myself. I had to start making healthy and Godly relationships. This is an arduous process which continues to this day.

I have failed miserably many times since and everyone wants to know "Are you straight now?" and my answer is "I'll get there when I'm supposed to !" Many are not impressed to hear this. You are not supposed to be impressed with me but with Gods love, grace and power. Heterosexuality is not the goal, HOLINESS is and IM GETTING THERE!

As I walk daily in deeper intimacy with Jesus I experience continuing victory over this struggle. The walk out of Egypt didnt happen overnight and it is not over yet but God is showing me His power to do the impossible in my life. He is healing a lonely little girl inside, rebuilding my shattered femininity and daily extending grace to an imperfect daughter.

TRUE LOVE CHANGES YOU. AMEN.

You know that feeling when you are so taken by another individual that you can not eat, can not sleep and can not stop smiling for no reason during the day? When you make people happy by going out of your way for them because you feel the need to share some wonderful thing that you have heard existed but never had a reason to believe it was out there for real. Like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot. Then it is right there, and the world of possibilities that you have heard people talking about all you life envelopes you and you become one of "them"?



We rearely do, Sarah. Even straight people.

Fight for yourself.

leia

Im a bit confused Leia....are you ok?

Ya, baby girl. I am the ultimate Polyanna.


leia

Ok...still confused so I had to resort to going on the net to see who Pollyana is or was..this is what I got..

[B]Synopsis:[/B]

A little girl comes to a town that is embattled by feuds and intimidated by her aunt. By the time she must leave, she has transformed the community with her indominatable will to see the good side of even the worst situations and bring it out for the betterment of all.

Any familiarities there??

Just got your PM, it all fits now.

Told my husband about the invite to England...God is good all the time!

You know what he told me? Guess. You'll not guess.

He is suppose to go to meet none other than your bonny Prince Charles next June or July. Date is still pending. Seems the organic grass based food industry is smaller than I thought and they have mutual friends in the newspaper and magazine business and at Builtmore Estates. Met them on a trip to New Zealand a couple of years ago. I told him I did not want to go because it is for a couple of weeks, but maybe I do!!!!!

You 'll laugh at this! One of the must dos for the trip is the last night big black tie affair.....and the prince insisted all the American he is inviting over (11 or 12) must wear cowboy hats!!!! Can you BEAT THE STERIOTYPE???????

We don't own a cowboy hat.....

ball caps....they keep the sun out of your eyes in the field but....do all Brits think we wear ten gallon hats or what?

This is such a HOOT!!!!!!!


leia

Well...to God be the Glory!

When in Rome don't do as the Romans do (Except the hat won't hurt.)

Have fun hat shopping. I've seen some really cool ones out in my part of cow country.

COWBOY HATS!! YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHAAA!!!